Infidelity Counseling

Infidelity Counseling2018-01-13T06:34:00+00:00

Infidelity is one of the most painful of all experiences. It is painful for both partners in very different ways and is, therefore, extremely difficult for partners to navigate and heal from without professional help. At AZRI we offer emotionally focused infidelity counseling to help couples recover from infidelity. The reality is that most couples stay together after infidelity, but most couples do not get help and their relationship remains damaged from the hurt of the affairs.

AZRI therapists are trained to treat infidelity using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): the most effective couples therapy available. They all collaborate with Dr. Lisa Gold, one of the pioneers in using EFT to treat infidelity.

EFT therapists understand that both partners are impacted by infidelity and hurt in different ways. For the betrayed partner the infidelity if often experienced as a trauma. One of the great tragedies of infidelity is that the person to whom the betrayed partner would usually turn to for comfort and support in dealing with such pain is the person who caused the injury.

Partners who have been unfaithful, but still love the partner they betrayed, can be filled with tremendous shame for hurting the person they love the most. They struggle with seeing how their partner could ever forgive them, trust them, or love them again. Unfortunately, their wrestle with shame often causes them to become defensive and withdraw from their partner when their partner needs their reassurance the most.

EFT helps both partners heal by helping the partner who has been unfaithful become an active agent of healing their partner’s pain. The source of the injury becomes the solution to healing the injury.

Issues Addressed in EFT Infidelity Counseling

  • Infidelity
  • Sexual Affairs
  • Emotional Affairs
  • Sexual Difficulties
  • Online relationships
  • Betrayal
  • Online Affairs
  • Secondary Relationships
  • Object Affairs
  • Improving Communication
  • Attachment Needs
  • Distrust

The following is taken from Dr. Shirley Glass’s book, “Not Just Friends” (p.331). We highly recommend this book.

Seven Tips for

1. Maintain Appropriate Walls and Windows
Keep the windows open at home. Put up privacy walls with others who could threaten your marriage.

2. Recognize that Work Can Be a Danger Zone
Don’t lunch or take private coffee breaks with the same person all the time. When you travel with a coworker meet in public rooms, not in a room with a bed.

3. Avoid Emotional Intimacy with Attractive Alternatives to Your Committed Relationship
Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her soul out to you.

4. Protect Your Marriage by Discussing Relationship Issues At Home
If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure that person is a friend of the marriage. If the friend disparages marriage, respond with something positive about your own relationship. 

5. Keep Old Flames from Reigniting
If  a former lover is coming to the class reunion, invite your partner to come along. If you value your marriage, think twice about having lunch with an old flame. 

6. Don’t Go Over the Line When You’re Online with the Internet Friends
Discuss your online friendships with your parnter and show him or her your email if he or she is interested. Invite your partner to join in your correspondence so your internet friend won’t get any wrong ideas. Don’t exchange sexual fantasies online.

7. Make Sure Your Social Network is Supportive of Your Marriage
Surround yourself with friends who are happily married and don’t belive in fooling around.

Overcoming Infidelity – The Recovery Process


The process to recovery after an affair can be a lengthy process. At the Arizona Relationship Institute our intimacy counselors understand how difficult working through an affair can be on both partners.  Using emotionally focused therapy we will work with each partner to open the doors of communication, honesty, and personal responsibility.  Recovery will progress through the following phases:

  • The Trauma Phase: After learning of an affair, the partner that has been betrayed may feel shocked and be dealing with a significant amount of emotional trauma. They may feel a roller coaster of emotions ranging from anger, confusion, vengence, and loss and grief.  During this phase both partners may struggle with clarity and be suffering from physical effects of the affair like loss of appetite, chest pains, and loss of weight.
  • Clarification: During this phase we begin to examine the issues that led to the affair. It is important that both partners begin to understand why the affair happened.
  • Address the Problem:  During this phase we work with you to begin rebuilding and repairing your relationship by working on the issues that led to the affair.  There will be emotional highs and lows during this process. However, couples that perservere will build a new relationship where each partner’s attachment needs are met and real healing can take place.
“The experiences that I have had with Dr. Gold, individually and together with my wife, have helped me to become a better person. More whole. More at peace. More who I really am”
At Peace

Request an Appointment

First Name
Last Name
Preferred Appointment Date
Your message